Courage

I have been thinking a lot about the many women in my life who have also struggled to start or expand their familes.  There is a wide range of trials that many women go through, Infertility, miscarriage, waiting to adopt, the loss of a child, I think we all know someone who has been there.


I strongly debated sharing my own personal story because I felt it was too personal.  However, in sharing my most personal and awkward moments, I have been faced with uneducated comments from people who obviously don't know my entire story and judge me based on decisions I have made that ONLY AFFECT MY FAMILY.


I think that as a woman there is something specifically painful and personal about not being able to easily conceive and bear a child. It doesn't matter if you alway wanted to be a mother of 5 or found out later in life that a child was something you wanted in your life. Realizing that you are in the group where motherhood wont come easily to you  hugely sucks. It consumes your emotions and your thoughts, makes you feel out of control of your own life and body.  I have had great friends who have also struggled and sometimes I feel like I am in a secret club that only we understand.  

At the end of the 3 years, hundreds of painful tests and procedures, and a very patient husband, I was lucky. I had a beautiful son. And he is wonderful and I am so grateful he is here. But looking back on the experience, and also going through fertility treatments again, I see something new. Having a child was only one of the blessings I was given through this experience. I see that this trial, the same one I cursed for so long, has enabled me. It has given me strength. It has taught me courage. I wouldn't be who I am today if I had not gained the perspective the trial forced me to learn.  

And so to those of you out there who are feeling anything like I did. Here is a note of encouragement to you. You are stronger than you know. You are not alone. You are in my thoughts and my fingers are continually crossed for you.