Mind Over Matter

I don't believe any more.  This pregnancy has been really different.  I guess in my mind the only difference I thought would be feeling more uncomfortable earlier in the pregnancy.  Once I wasn't sick with my first pregnancy it went really well.  Pretty much text book, which is just how Jett was a child.  This one?  SO DIFFERENT.

With Jett - I would puke once or twice every morning and be done with it
vs.

This time - fine for a few days (turning into over than a week) then super super sick.  

I guess since I am PASSED the time most people get over the sickness, I am getting nervous.  Just yesterday my mom had to jinx me by commenting on how much better I was feeling.  So it should be expected that I wake up super sick.

I gave up hope of just thinking to myself that I felt better, eating like I was fine and I would feel fine.

WRONG!

Another trip to my favorite little mini hospital by my moms house.  Thankfully her and mick were BOTH in town and this was way less dramatic.  In addition to the gravol and 2 more IV bags, I got a new (to me) drug that they give to cancer patients to stop them from throwing up.  I have a new best friend, and went the doctor told me I could leave she said "We will be seeing you soon!".

I am scared.

(Pictures are from the internets.  I just thought some people need pictures!)

How we spend our summer nights

We turned the hot tub to a low temperature and use it as our "pool"  now if we can get Jett to say the L people will stop wondering why he is always asking for the "POO"

Worst Day Ever = about my hero's

So Mick wanted to go fishing this last Saturday with some friends.  I decided that I would take Jett to Calaway Park with some friends / family whoever wanted to go.  WELL my stomach had other plans for me.  I was sick all morning to the point I was freaking out about Jett being taken care of, so I called my BEST BIG BROTHER EVER and begged him to come take care of the little man so I could puke in peace.  Not only did he take him he came and picked him up and kept him ALL DAY LONG.  BY HIMSELF with his 2 other boys, because Bree was doing a photoshoot for her etsy shop that day.  AHHH.  He is my hero #1 of the day.  


So fast forward a few hours when I have managed to do nothing but still be sick and keep NOTHING down (I know, disgusting to share) I call my mom who was out of town in Victoria.  I called to whine.  I couldn't handle it ANY MORE.  The fact that she answered while roaming is a miracle, I could just hear her thinking $1 a minute Brooke!  But she told me to just go to the hospital.  Not wanting to believe her I call health link, who also tells me to go to the hospital.  I know I cannot drive myself I would kill myself puking out the window while I got there...  I literally cannot think of anyone who is free to give me a ride.  The only people I can think of either went to Calaway on my ditched plans or just had a baby.  Finally I think of my moms BFF who has been in London this last week.  I thought she JUST might be back in town.  I was in luck, her husband told me she was out buying groceries.


She agrees to come pick me up and she drops me off at the clinic by our house after supplying me with a make shift puke bag.  I was so grateful.  Not only does she drop me off, she comes back 20 minutes later with a "emergency kit".  Included in said kit was crackers, ginger gravol, a bottle of water, a nice leak proof puke bag, and soft napkins.  Where did the guardian angel come from?  She called me after I was let into a room and not allowed guests.  She checked up on me and came to wait to pick me up because her phone was dying and didn't want to miss the "I'm Ready" phone call.  I told her she didn't need to worry and could just go home.  I could call her there if I needed her.


5 hours, 2 iv bags of fluids, and 1 iv shot of gravol later I was allowed to go home.  


My lovely day came to an end with Mick coming home and wondering how I almost died on him (his words) and Jett crashing on the floor at Brandon's house.

 I survived.

Waiting

4.16.2011

Waiting very patient which is a shock because I am not known to be a
patient person. I haven't been going crazy at all.

The past few days I have started to feel uncomfortable. My stomach
feels huge and I constantly feel like I have to pee. Not having to go,
just stomach muscles that feel like they are under pressure all the
time.  I am retaining water. I officially look 5 months pregnant and
have gained 5 pounds in the last 2 days. The doctor tells me this is a
good sign but I need to be careful


Brooke

More Decisions & Transfer

4.8.2011 Decisions

I could not make a decision about which day to transfer and how many
so I called the embryologist this morning at 7:40 so I could make a
decision by 8.  She looked to see if embryos had been assessed and
they had. She said well it's clear what to do, the cells tell us to
transfer 2 today. All 9 embryos are fertilized and growing. 2 are
perfect 8 cells and the others are 10 cells. They will transfer an 8
and 10 cell. Apparently I have a 70% chance of getting pregnant and
if pregnant a 30% chance of twins. I am excited but nervous. Aghhhhhh.


Brooke

Decisions

4.7.2011.

Doctor called this morning to say all eggs fertilized and looking
good. She suggests transferring one egg on day 5 instead of 2 on day
3. Tells me I have to make a decision by tomorrow at 8 when she calls
back.


Brooke

Wake Up!

So my friend Ms. M had this posted on her blog and I thought it was just too good to NOT share for fathers day.  Enjoy!

A father's day wish: Dads, wake the hell up!

By Jeff Pearlman, Editor's note: Jeff Pearlman is a columnist for SI.com. He blogs at jeffpearlman.com. 

The woman started crying.

I didn't expect this, because, well, why would I? We were two adults, standing in a preschool auditorium, waiting for the year-end musical gala to begin, talking summer plans and Twitter and junk fiction and all things mindless parents talk at mindless events. Then -- tears.

"My husband," she said, "doesn't care."

"Uh, about what?" I asked.

The floodgates now open, she told me her husband works from home. But he never drops their daughter off at preschool. He never picks their daughter up at preschool. He never wakes up with their daughter, never puts her to bed, never takes her to a movie or a carnival or a ball game; never comes up with fun daddy-daughter activities. "All he worries about is golf," the mother said. "Sometimes he'll take her to the driving range for an hour. But that's it. ..."

Two days later, by mere coincidence, a different mother cornered me. I was sitting in a pizzeria with my son, Emmett, and daughter, Casey, gnawing on a calzone. The woman, another preschool regular who always seems to be dragging around her kids with the worn look of a chain gang inmate, glanced my way and muttered, "My husband would never do that."

"Do what?" I asked.

"Be out alone with both of the kids at once," she said. "Never."

In case you are wondering, I am that dad. The one who works out of the house. The one who drives his kids to school, packs lunches and pushes swings and arranges play dates and attends teacher conferences and -- generally speaking -- frequently finds himself alone in brightly colored rooms filled with women and tykes.

Along with my wife (who, until recently, also worked from home), I wipe snot, clean poop, order time outs and say no -- Really, no! I'm being serious, no! -- to the damned ice cream man and his Satanic siren call. I know all of my kids' friends, and most of their tendencies (Ashley and Emily love dolls, Lucas only wants to talk about Derek Jeter, Tyler digs applesauce).

Hence, I have been sent here today, on behalf of the stay-at-home mothers of the world, to convey to my fellow pops a message of love and hope in this lead-up to Father's Day: Wake the hell up.

Really, wake the hell up. Now. I understand that most of you have 9-to-5 jobs, that you leave tired and come home tired and just wanna chill in front of SportsCenter with a bowl of chips. But, seriously, you have no remote idea: Being a stay-at-home parent is exhausting. At the office, you can hide. You can take lunch. You can pretend you're working while scrolling the Internet for Yankees-Blue Jays and, ahem, Lindsay Lohan news. You have genuine social interactions with folks over the age of, oh, 12. People ask questions about your day -- and listen to the answers.

I envy you, but I sort of pity you. Kids grow. Age 1 turns to age 3, which turns to age 7, which turns to 15 and 18 and 21, all in the blink of an eye. If you're there, as I am, it flies. If you're not there -- if you're almost never there -- it barely exists at all. Which is why I just can't stomach those millions of dads who view their days at home as recovery from work, who'd rather rest than engage, who have no problem with passing the tykes off for more alone time with mom and who, literally, moan to their wives, "You have no idea how hard I work."

For you, I offer these 10 commandments of righteous fatherhood. Pay close attention, because, behind your back, people are pitying your wife:

1. No golf on weekends: Seriously, it's ludicrous. Your spouse is home with the kids all the time, and you think it's OK to take five hours on a weekend day to pursue your own pastime? Selfishness, thy name is Father.

2. Wake up: Literally, wake up. With your kids. On at least one of the two weekend days -- and perhaps both. I know: you wake up early for work. Not even remotely the same thing. Rising alongside the kiddies is hard. And crazy. And (gasp!) sorta fun, if you'd just stop moping.

3. Change diapers: If you have little kids, and you don't know how to change diapers (or, even worse, refuse to change diapers), you're pathetic. That's no exaggeration -- p-a-t-h-e-t-i-c. It's not all that hard, and though the poop sometimes winds up on the fingers, well, uh, yeah. It just does. Wash your hands.

4. Play with dolls and paint your toenails: How many fathers do I know who refuse to get girlish with their girls? Dozens. Dude, put aside the machismo, break out Barbie and slather on some pink polish. You'll make a friend for life -- and nobody else is watching.

5. Do things you don't want to do: It's easy to take the kids to the driving range -- because you want to be there. Now try spending the day having a tea party at American Girl. Or crawling through one of those wormholes at the nearby kiddie gym. Fun? Often, no. But this isn't about you.

6. Order the wife to bug off: I recently met a mother who told me her husband hadn't been alone with their 9-year-old daughter for more than two hours ... ever. Inexcusable. Let your wife do her own thing: relax, take a run, whatever. Entertain your children solo. They don't bite (Note: CNN.com is not liable if your children do, in fact, bite).

7. Surprise! Just once, on a random day without meaning or purpose, show up early at your kid's school/camp/wherever, say "Get in the car!" and take him/her somewhere special. Just the two of you, alone. A movie. A park. A hike. The memory lasts -- I promise.

8. Dishes Don't Clean Themselves (Nor Do Toys): It's amazing how this one works. You pick up a dish, run it under hot water with some soap, rub it down with a towel and place it back on the shelf. Then repeat.

9. Wake up your kid: Not often. But if you want to score big points and create a killer memory moment, walk in Junior's room at, oh, midnight, wake him/her up and go outside for 10 minutes to watch the stars.

10. For God's sake, tell your kids you love them: They never see you, and they'd probably like to know.

Bud, as you read this your wife is expecting little -- and your kids are expecting even less. Pull one out of the blue. Make Father's Day less about you, and all about them.


Thank you Jeff Pearlman!!!

Egg Check Up

4.6.2011

11 eggs  9 are excellent quality and 2 are average.


Brooke

Extraction Day

Extraction day - Probably the worst of the entire process.  The IV sucked that bad.  It hurt for weeks afterwords.  You are legally intoxicated after the procedure so you can't be alone for the day.  My mom was in charge of babysitting me.  The rest of it was NO PROBLEM.  Just the IV.


4.5.2011 extraction day

I had to be there at 8:30 and drop off Jett at my moms at 7:30.  So
early!  Traffic was actually not bad and we got there with time to
spare. We got called in pretty quickly and gowned up. I was really
nervous but by this point I know most of the nurses so they are
friendly.

I was nervous about the IV the most. The doctor was pretty snarky with
me about the correct way to pump my fist to get my veins thick.
Overall it was fine. I walked myself into the room and jumped on the
bed. I was so nervous my whole body was shaking. They give you the
happy drugs and all is good to go. The nurse keeps asking me
questions. There is a large tv on the wall and I remember seeing the
first few seconds but the rest of it is a blur. I just remember
getting really confused when I just wanted to sleep and the nurse
kept asking me questions so I kept saying "now where was I going 
with this?".

When we got out Mick was right there waiting and helping. I heard the
doctor say it was Micks job to keep me awake and I tried really hard
not to sleep. The nurse came over after and thought I was getting
paranoid which is a bad side effect of the drugs but I had to tell her
I was trying to force my eyes open to stay awake.


Brooke

Nurses Yelling

4.2.2011

Tired of nurses yelling at me. I paid a lot of money and I am hopped
up on crazy drugs being emotional. No yelling please. If I have my
paper with me or in the car I don't really care. I have a college
degree I can handle remembering that my dose didn't change and to take
the same amount again. At least I can remember long enough to write it
down when i get my sheet in the car in 5 minutes. Freak.

Today it was because I couldn't gets my phone in my purse and so I
missed their call and had to call back.

I got "it's really important that you answer your phone". Well no shit
Sherlock but it's just as important not to die digging it out of my
purse while driving.


Brooke

Symptoms, Whining

3.31.2012

My stomach is killing me. I feel so bloated (which is such an ugly
word but the only word I think describes this new feeling). I feel
full of air but not gassy. Tmi. I know. If I sit down too long my hip
bones push too much on my inner parts that it hurts.

I can't sleep on my stomach for the same reason. Who knew. But last
ultrasound wasn't nearly as painfull so the last doctor lied...  Haha.
This is about my only side effect so far so I consider myself lucky.


Brooke

Interruption

I would like to interrupt my little venting spiel of IVF to proudly announce that I had my first day in a LONG time (okay, maybe only a few weeks) that I have NOT THROWN UP.   I know, disgusting, and for a while there I was way more tired than sick, and I thought, OH this pregnancy is SO DIFFERENT.  Haha, cue evil sickness, night and day.  I have learned when things are good you do not announce it.  Fate will always step in.  Evil evil fate.

So here is to booster juice smoothies first thing in the morning and no sickness all day long!

Worky Worky

3.29.2011

I am finally down to one job. For the last few months I have been
working my butt off to make $8500 for invitro.

It all started last fall when I got laid off from my previous job. I
knew I wanted to be pregnant and needed to work to build my hours for
maternity leave. Nobody in the building industry was hiring, they were
all laying people off as well. So I figured I may as well just find a
job at the mall. Anthroplogie was just opening up so I applied and got
a managing job there, but full time. The day i was offered the job I
started panicking about working full time. Then my friend who had a
day home told me she was getting divorced and moving to Edmonton. So I
had nobody to watch Jett.

I suddenly remembered a guy I worked with at cardel who was our
flooring rep who started his own flooring store and design centre. I
called him to see if he was hiring and possibly someone part time. I
sent him my resume. He called the next morning and i went in for an
interview that day and was offered a job before I got home. I think it
was meant to be.

I called anthro to tell them it wasn't going to work and they offered
me an assistant managing position part time a couple nights a week. I
figured I needed the money so why not?

So my schedule was 3 days a week at the design center. 2-3 nights a
week at Anthro.

Then I had a friend of joel's call who asked if I would help him rent
out his apartment. Sure, why not.

Then I had another friend ask if I could help him design his website.
Sure, why not.

Apartment got rented, website completed, and today was my last shift
at Anthro. Thank freaking goodness. I loved that job but the time away
got to be too much especially when I am going through all this in
vitro stuff. I would love to go back later. Just wish it paid more.


Brooke

Another ultrasound

3.27.2011 Sunday

Ultrasound hurt like the dickens today. I literally feel like I got
punched in the kidneys. Still. I asked the doctor (as this is an
unusual feeling) if its normal to feel this uncomfortable. She just
said "it will get worse each time you are in" I think because your
ovaries are so swollen. Yowza. I just want to lay down. Off to church
to teach my last Sunday school class. I am so excited to finally be
released from that calling. Mick got a new one but I haven't yet. I am
hoping it takes a couple weeks and then I get something awesome.


Brooke

Daily Monitoring

After you start your injections the doctors monitor you very closely so they can ensure you are on the correct dosage.  Bloodwork and an ultrasound.  You come in every other day or more depending on how you respond.




3-24-11 Waiting for bloodwork.

There are so many people in the clinic today I am sitting on the
floor. This is so crazy.

I am also shocked at how many husbands are here. Maybe it's 
because I have a kid at home to find a sitter for, but I wouldn't ask 
Mick to come for a 10 minute blood test. Hmmm. maybe I am just 
more independent in this.

  

This is the lovely "internal ultrasound" machine.  I took this picture to text to mick telling him what he was missing out on.  So gross, TMI I know.

Becoming a needle junkie

Starting on March 7th I began a medication called puregon, which basically stops your brain from controlling your hormones and shuts down your system so that the doctors can override it.  Its a nasal spray that you do 5 times a day.  Thinking nasal spray, I was excited because its not a needle!  But the 5 times a day gets a little brutal and its very time sensitive, so I would run out of meetings or mid meal with my mother, run to use my "sniffer".  After that begins to do its business, the injections begin.






March 22 2011 injections

Starting injections

When I first thought of injections my mind tends to distance itself
and not really think about it.  I figured it isn't that big a deal.  When
The pharmacist began explaining it to me I began to gag and freak
out.  I was not calm.


I decided to freak out instead about the things I can control. Aeroplan
Points.  There is a pharmacy inside the RFP clinic but you also have
the option to send it wherever you would like.  I chose to send it to my
local pharmacy where I get lots of airmiles and figured the positive 
outcome from this whole thing would be enough points to fly somewhere
cool!  However, the RFP clinic has all of the drugs in stock.  You have 
to order them 24 hours in advance at my pharmacy.  NO big deal right?  
Well I showed up at my first "base ultrasound" appointment today and
they managed to prescribe me the ONE brand that isn't covered by my 
insurance.  We are talking thousands of dollars here, so I asked if they 
would mind switching.  They didn't mind but I needed to start THAT DAY.
So I ended up picking up the smallest dose from the RFP pharm and ordering
the rest from the local pharm.  


I run down to the rfp pharmacy to get a gonal f pen. When I get the
instructions I feel squeamish about the needle. It has to be injected
at a 90 degree angle and the entire needle must be inserted. Nasty.

After I inject the first day it's not such a big deal.


Brooke

IVF Information Session - The Beginning of the Journey

At the Regional Fertility Program (RFP) in Calgary, all patients are required to attend an IVF information session prior to beginning their treatment.  I find that for women who are actually the people GOING THROUGH the whole procedure, we are fairly well researched.  For the men, however, I found they appreciated the knowledge and coming from a doctor telling you she will be bloated and moody, its definatley more reliable.  


We made the decision to do IVF and paid our $200 to be on the waiting list the week of Christmas.  Funny enough, the wait for the info session took the longest.  The ended up offering me treatment and then squeezing me into an earlier (full) session.

* Warning, these are my journal entries from the actual day they happened, and so emotional outbursts must be taken with a grain of salt*

Ivf info session -feb 24th 2011

I just waited 3 months to get in to a mandatory information session to
proceed with my in vitro process. I walked into the cramped university
auditorium and was shocked at just how many people were facing similar
fates to ours.

As I walked out the door I thought "I am just about to make the biggest
purchase of my entire life besides a house or car and its on something
everyone else gets for free, usually on accident, and doesn't always
want"

Aren't I lucky?

Do you want to know?

So I have my little journal entries on my phone I typed up in all of my crazy doctors appointments and all my venting in the process of getting to where I am today.  I want to put it on here so when I print my blog I have it, question is.  Do you want to read it?  I am over the personal feelings of shyness so I don't care either way.  What do you think?  TMI or interesting?  To publish or not?

Bad Dreams

Whenever I have a restless night of sleep I always dream about school. It usually involves me showing up to school on the day of finals, realizing that I haven't been to class all semester long!  I am going to fail my test.

I also have dreams that I can't figure out what class I have next in my schedule.

Does this mean I am crazy?  Anyone else have reoccurring dreams?