What a day. I had am ultrasound this morning. I now have them every two weeks along with doctors appointments. Jett does really well and the doctor even told everyone he was the best 2 year old she has seen in there. The ladies all love him and he managed to swindle 4 stickers out of them. They are stuck to his arms and he refuses to remove them.

Babies are good. 2 lbs 12 oz for twin right and 2 lbs 11 oz for twin left (I don't have the regular twin A and twin B because neither of them is "lower" or the presenting twin). So when i am feeling massive it's because they weigh together close to what Jett did when he was born. Within a few ounces anyways.  I have 6 pounds of baby in there!

I am feeling good no major complaints. I feel like I did with Jett at the very end so the only disappointing thing is that I still have 7-8 weeks left. It's getting hard to sleep and my maternity shirts are not all covering my belly. It's awkward.

My feet haven't been swelling too horribly yet, unlike last time! There is still time I know it's coming.

AND THE GENDER IS...

AND

So I have put off posting this because I found it depressing.  

I know real people have real problems in life but I wanted my own pity party for a while. 

I am having two boys.  

My least favorite of all of the combinations possible. 

The day I found out I avoided all phone calls.

This is the email I sent to my 2 BFF's to explain.

I am fine with the boys in general, its just that I am mourning the loss of having a daughter.  Everyone keeps telling me to have another kid and just pay to have it be a girl but I just don't think I am sane enough to have 4 kids.  Or is that too sane?  I just think I was totally fine with 2, 3 sounds like a handful and 4 is crazy.  I look at all the cute clothes my mom had saved that I refused to let my mom give away and it makes me sick that I have imagined having them for my little girl and it just might not happen.  I think of all the cute blankets, beaded socks, headbands, etc that I will never get to buy.  My blessing dress I wore hanging in my old room at my moms house.  I hoped my girl would wear it on her blessing day.  I already have Jett to live the boy dreams through, I just wanted a girl!  If I didn't already have a boy it wouldn't be as big a deal because I would just have one more.  3 kids, I can mentally grasp.  I know people loose way more in life, children die at all sorts of ages, but I still just feel this loss of what could have been.  You know?  Its not tragic, its just sad. I just cant be open about it because, YES they are healthy, my nephew died at 18.  How would his mom feel to hear me whine about something so insignificant?  Its just silly but I am still just sad about it. SO I haven't really told anyone.  I am not ready to hear the its all going to be okays.  I just want to wallow in my own sadness for one day and keep it to myself.  My mom freaked out when she didn't hear from me and thought something was wrong with the babies, so when she called 20 times and wouldn't stop I finally bawled to her on the phone about it.  She understood.  Other than that you two are the only people that know because I have had enough of the polite chit chat from Mick.  I just want to be pissed for a while.  It feels good.

When I am happy we can all discuss the great things about having yet MORE boys and if either of you have a girl  I get to be the special aunt who spoils them crazy and makes them crazy accessories and you have to let them wear them because mine can't.  They might get the massive flower headbands or crappy hand made bows so deal with it and consider yourself warned as of this moment.

I am over it and getting excited.  

Now to think of names.

I can think of single names I like

but not two together

that also sound good with Jett

If I name one with a "J" name I feel like I have to name BOTH

What are the rules?

Do I care about the rules?

OH the dilema's.

I am offering a cash reward for whoever comes up with a name.

It can't be common,

it can't be too weird

you have to be able to spell it and pronounce it.

I prefer it to be NOT in the top 1000 most common names

on  the social security website.

Is there anything LEFT?

HELP!!!

Life lately

Jett found a mirror and was so excited to see himself.  He kept kissing the mirror over and over.  I couldn't get him to leave!  Then he found a shirt (FROM THE STORE) and proceeded to "wash" the mirror.  I am a little worried that my son is getting a little OCD with his wanting every thing clean.  He will now wash the faucet in the tub so he can see himself and kiss it.  Cute, but a little much.

Jett had to have a minor surgery.  It was a regular procedure but he had to be put to sleep and it was really sad to see your baby in pain.  He was mostly upset about the IV in his hand. 

The Children's hospital was AMAZING.  They had little dvd players for each kid to watch.  He was plenty distracted having lots of Dora and Thomas to watch. 

They also had little play areas all over for the kids to play with.  There were a 3-4 toy sections as well as a book section.  They really kept the kids in mind and I was so relieved.  He also refused to wear the cute baby scrubs that they provide.  I was sad I didn't get a picture of him in them because they are soo cute.

   

They wrapped a face cloth over his IV so he wouldn't pull at it.  This was the only part he kept whining about and saying it was itchy.

   

 So we distracted him with DORA BOOTS!  He was really happy to have his bears with him and his 'special blanket'.  I was really happy with how well he did and all is healed and recovered with Jett man.  The best part about the whole day was only have to pay for lunch and parking.  God Bless Canada!

More Jett-Ism's

So there have been just a few funny things Jett has done lately.  

He has started to get quite the imagination.  

I had mentioned that a band-aid I put on him had a picture of a panda bear on it.  

All of a sudden he will wake up screaming he is "scared - PANDA BEAR!".  

I will leave him alone for a few minutes and he will throw all of his shirts into a pile and proclaim - "a beautiful castle, with an elephant!".  

He found my camera tripod and shouted "ITS A BEAUTIFUL PRINCESS!"

Last sunday mid dinner with no promoting from ANYONE he started to scream about being scared of the Panda Bears.  This video was taken about 3 minutes into the screaming so we were already laughing and discussing at this point.  It was just too funny to forget.

Little pants

I was helping Jett get dressed this morning when he refused to wear jeans. He proclaimed them "daddy's pants". I tried other pants and he refused them as well. What did he want to wear? "little pants". And he then dug out shorts.

In fall denial.

Courage

I have been thinking a lot about the many women in my life who have also struggled to start or expand their familes.  There is a wide range of trials that many women go through, Infertility, miscarriage, waiting to adopt, the loss of a child, I think we all know someone who has been there.


I strongly debated sharing my own personal story because I felt it was too personal.  However, in sharing my most personal and awkward moments, I have been faced with uneducated comments from people who obviously don't know my entire story and judge me based on decisions I have made that ONLY AFFECT MY FAMILY.


I think that as a woman there is something specifically painful and personal about not being able to easily conceive and bear a child. It doesn't matter if you alway wanted to be a mother of 5 or found out later in life that a child was something you wanted in your life. Realizing that you are in the group where motherhood wont come easily to you  hugely sucks. It consumes your emotions and your thoughts, makes you feel out of control of your own life and body.  I have had great friends who have also struggled and sometimes I feel like I am in a secret club that only we understand.  

At the end of the 3 years, hundreds of painful tests and procedures, and a very patient husband, I was lucky. I had a beautiful son. And he is wonderful and I am so grateful he is here. But looking back on the experience, and also going through fertility treatments again, I see something new. Having a child was only one of the blessings I was given through this experience. I see that this trial, the same one I cursed for so long, has enabled me. It has given me strength. It has taught me courage. I wouldn't be who I am today if I had not gained the perspective the trial forced me to learn.  

And so to those of you out there who are feeling anything like I did. Here is a note of encouragement to you. You are stronger than you know. You are not alone. You are in my thoughts and my fingers are continually crossed for you.  

Global Fest

A couple weeks ago the family all went to Global Fest.  Its an international fireworks competition that takes place here and the show is truly remarkable.  Some shows are truly art.

  

We were very excited about our treats.

I didn't get any pictures of the fireworks, but we had lots of fun.  The fair food is always spectacular, they hand out free coke cans, the older boys thought it was a little loud (the twins) and Jett started singing twinkle twinkle little star.  It was really cute and he was REALLY excited.